Romeo and Juliet: Invader Zim rewrite
by Mistress Moira
Summary: Romeo and Juliet is the time old tale of young and blind romance. Though the story is beautiful, it is also hard to read. Please enjoy this modern english revision, featuring your favourite IZ cast! First page spoilers! ZaGr based.
1. PreStory Info

Romeo and Juliet is a time old tale of romance and tragedy.

But let's admit it, for a lot of us, it is rather hard to read. This story will be a twist of the old story of two star crossed lovers, doomed from their love, written in Modern English and featuring characters from Invader Zim I suggest reading the book first or there may be some **spoilers below**

The characters will be as followed with their roles and relations beside them:

_**Montague Household (the Irken side):  
**__**Romeo – Zim (Son of the Montague's)  
Benvolio – Skoodge (Nephew of Tallest Red and a good and dear friend of Zim's)  
Mercutio – Keef (Another friend of Zim's far more "manly" than Skoodge)  
Lady Montague – Tallest Purple (Wife of Tallest Red and Mother of Zim(Yes, he will be playing the role of a woman))  
Montague – Tallest Red (Husband of Tallest Purple and Father of Zim)  
Abraham – Invader Flobee (Loyal servant of the Montague's (he was featured in the show and only shown in the episode the Planet Jackers-that I recall anyways))  
Balthasar – GIR (Dedicated servant of Zim's. Brings Zim news of Gaz's death, not knowing it is a ruse) **_

_**Capulet Household (the Human side):  
**__**Juliet – Gaz (Daughter of the Capulet's)  
Tybalt – Dib (Hot-headed Nephew of Ms. Bitters')  
Lady Capulet – Ms. Bitters (Wife of Professor Membrane and Mother of Gaz)  
Capulet – Professor Membrane (Husband of Ms. Bitters and Father of Gaz)  
Nurse – Zita (Nanny and Best-Friend of Gaz)  
Sampson – Torque (Servant of The Capulet's)  
Gregory – Letter M (Servant of the Capulet's)  
Peter – Simmons (Capulet servant. Invites guests to the Capulet feast and escorts Zita to meet with Zim to speak with him about Gaz(Simmons is mentioned in the show once or twice. He typically keeps Membrane organized))**_

_**Other Characters:  
**__**Rosaline – Tak (Zim's first love, through the beginning act 1 he spends his time sulking for his unreciprocated love for her)  
Paris - Iggins (Gaz's suitor, the man who suggests to her father they wed and her mother believes she will marry)  
Friar Laurence – Dwicky (performs the union between Gaz and Zim)  
Prince – Jhonen (The prince of Verona and ruler over all of the characters)  
The Apothecary – Prisoner 777 (is very un-wealthy and sells poison to Zim)**_


	2. Act 1: Scene 1

**Act 1: Scene 1**

Torque and Letter M, servants of the Capulets, walked side by side through the busy streets of Verona, both wielding swords; ready for a fight should the moment show itself.

"M, we can't let them humiliate us anymore." Torque started a conversation with Letter M.

"Of course not, that would make us no better than garbage." Letter M teased back.

"I'm serious." Torque specified, "If I see one of them I'll take this sword and attack."

"Maybe you should focus less on them and more on staying out of trouble." M suggested.

"I lash out when I'm angry." Torque mumbled.

"meh…It's hard to make you angry in the first place." M shrugged his shoulders languidly.

"Those Irkens and the rest of the members of that Montague house make me angry…" Torque complained.

"_Psh!"_ M mocked, "You wouldn't fight. You'd run away, you coward."

"Not if I see one of those inferiors. I'll walk to the wall and force them to walk through the garbage in the streets. Where they belong(1)."

"You're weak. Only weaklings go to the wall, not being able to stand the smell..." M scoffed.

"You're right. That's why all the women walk to that side-they're weak and fragile(2). So I'll push the Montague women to the wall and all of their men into the gutter." Torque reasoned, "After I fight the men, I'll be sure I'm nice to the women."

"Nice?" M asked, "You mean take their virginity?"

"Be nice, take their virginity-whatever. It's all the same. Take the remark however you want." Torque shrugged with disinterest.

M laughed, "The women you rape will be the ones to '_take your remark'_." He joked.

"They're all so disgusting though. I'll have trouble getting it up." Torque laughed back.

"You'd have trouble either way!" M inappropriately stated.

As the two men continued to laugh they could see Flobee, one of the many servants of the Montague house walking their way to pass in the crowded street, another Irken Montague walking beside him, continuing a discussion of their own.

M nudged Torque, "Looks like you're getting that fight, here comes two Montagues now."

Torque pulled out his sword he had been carrying in his sheath. "You go first, I'll be right behind you." He declared.

"Yeah Right!" M countered. "You're just going to run away!" he accused.

"Then let's not start anything." Torque suggested, M gave him a funny look, "Let him."

"Fine…" M groaned. "I'll frown when they walk by, they can react however they want."

"You call that fighting?" Torque raged, "I'll bite my thumb as they walk past(3). If they let me get away with it then I win."

As Flobee and his friend walked past the two Capulet servants Torque dramatically bit his thumb.

The two stopped, "Did you just bite your thumb at me?" Flobee fumed.

"I bit my thumb." Torque shrugged once more.

"Did you bite your thumb at _**me**_?" Flobee pressed in a furious temper.

Torque leaned towards M to whisper, "If I say yes, will I be in trouble with the law?" he asked.

"Yes." M answered.

Torque turned back to Flobee. "No. I bit my thumb, but not at you."

"Fine." Flobee tried to continue walking only to be stopped by M.

"Were you trying to start a fight with us?" He asked.

"A fight?" Flobee mused. "No, never."

"If you were, I'm more than happy to." Torque pressed on, "my master is as good as yours so I see no reason not to."

"True, but your master is not better." Flobee interjected.

As the discussion escalated M caught sight of Skoodge walking in the same street, Dib approaching not much further behind.

M whispered to Torque, "Claim that our master is better, Capulet's relative is approaching."

Torque looked hard at Flobee, "Yes, my master is better."

"You lie!" Flobee became angrier.

"If you disagree then fight me." Torque challenged.

The fight between the three began, swords slashing through air. Jabs attempted at the enemy of each. Skoodge ran forward, seeing the fight, withdrawing his sword and slamming the swords from the hands of each of the three with his own blade.

"Enough! You don't know what you're doing, none of you do. Put your swords away and leave." Skoodge scolded.

Dib caught up to the group, after seeing the events that had unfolded, "Are you serious?" he joked, "You pull out your sword to fight with the _**servants**_?" he withdrew his own weapon, "turn around and look at the man who will end you. I'll give you a fight."

"I'm just trying to stop a fight. Put your sword away or use it to help me keep peace here." Skoodge answered the feisty male behind him.

"Peace?" Dib mocked, "From you? I hate the word, the same way I hate hell, and Montagues, and you!" He jabbed at Skoodge with his blade, "Fight me, you coward!"

Lunging forward at Dib, Skoodge tore his blade through the wind and charged with reckless abandon. The two fought and danced in peculiar ways, avoiding the blows of their enemy. As they fought enraged citizens charged into their battle wielding their own weapons; a collective riot of the people. As the madness continued the master of the Capulet household, Professor Membrane made his entrance to the street, upon hearing the commotion.

Turning to his Lady, Ms. Bitters he called, "my sword! Hand me my sword!"

"Sword?" she scoffed. "What the hell do you need a sword for? You are a coward to hide behind your blade!"

As his wife mocked him he could see the Lady and Master of the Montague house enter from across the street, Tallest Red's sword was drawn as his wife, Tallest Purple, walked close beside him.

"Hand me my sword woman! The Montague master is here and he taunts me with his own sword!" Membrane hollered.

"Membrane!" Red called, Purple held him back, not allowing him to budge forward, "Let me go!" he demanded.

"No! I'm not letting you go over there to be killed!" Purple answered, worried for her husband(4).

As the town battle escalated Prince Jhonen of Verona entered on horseback, infuriation clear on his face.

"Enough, all of you! You are disturbing the peace! You, Montagues and Capulets, drop your swords or face torturous punishment!" he demanded, pointing in direction of the older house masters. The members of the two households, servants included, all followed instruction, re-sheathing their swords. "This is the third time you have started a town wide fight, if this happens again, just once more, the penalty will be death!" He turned to Membrane, "You! Capulet, come with me. I wish to have a word." He then turned to Red "and you, meet me in the Free-town(5). And to everyone else, leave! Return to your lives or face the punishment of death."

With the final words of the Prince, all departed. The only three who had bothered to stay were Tallests Red and Purple, and their nephew, Skoodge.

"Who started this fight?" Red asked the shorter male. "Were you here when this all broke out?"

"Yes," Skoodge answered, "Your servants started to fight with Membrane's. I went to stop them with my sword but Dib cut in, looking for a brawl. We started fighting until everyone else showed, then the Prince came to separate us all."

"I'm simply glad Zim was not here." Purple thanked her blessings. "Have you seen him at all today?" she asked.

"I did go for a walk this morning, to clear my head. I saw Zim walking by the forestry area on the west side of the city, I tried to catch up to him but he ran and hid in the woods. He looked upset so I left him to be on his own." Skoodge answered graciously.

"He's been doing this more and more," Red recalled, "taking long walks in the morning, crying, and sighing. He doesn't come home until the sun rises in the late morning and then he locks himself in his room with the windows shut and lights turned off. Someone needs to talk with him before he does something dangerous to himself."

"Do you have any idea why he's acting this way?" Skoodge asked.

"None at all, I have tried asking him but he never tells me." Red answered, "I've done everything I can to make him speak, and so have the others in the house. If we only knew, we might be able to help him."

As Tallest Red stopped talking Zim came walking hesitantly up the rock path of the town, his face was lowered and he seemed to be in deep thought.

"Look." Skoodge spoke, pointing down the street. "Here comes Zim. He might tell me what's going on if I'm alone, or not. I'd like to try though if you would leave."

"Very well then." Red agreed, "Come on then, Purple. Let's go."

The Lord and Lady left to their home, leaving Skoodge and Zim to themselves.

"Good morning, dear cousin!" Skoodge called.

Zim looked up. "Is it really that early?" he asked solemly.

"Yes." Skoodge answered. "It's only nine o'clock."

"I guess time moves slowly when you're upset…" he sighed, "Was that my father you were talking to?"

"Yes." Skoodge sat against the wall. "What has you upset then?"

"I lack the thing that makes time move quickly…" Zim sat next to his friend against the wall.

Skoodge seemed to understand. "You're in love?" he asked knowingly.

"Out." Zim grumbled.

"of love…?" Skoodge seemed confused.

"Yes." He answered. "She refuses to love me back…"

"I understand… Love is a beautiful thing…until you experience it…"

"True. Shall we go eat then?" Zim stood, as he dusted his clothes he noticed the smear of blood on the road. "What happened here? Nevermind…I already have an idea… It would figure another fight break lose, love of anything is becoming far out of grasp…" Zim looked at Skoodge, whose shoulder's were shaking. "Are you laughing?"

"No, Zim. Crying…" he answered, wiping his eyes.

"Why?" Zim asked, his lekku perking in interest (6)

"I feel your pain…" Skoodge stood. "Enough though, who is this woman anyways?"

"Do you expect me to roll over and tell you?"

"Roll over? No." Skoodge joked, "But I do want to know who she is…"

"Honestly, would you tell a dying man to write his will? No, it would hurt him more. In which case, don't ask me about her."Zim scowled at his friend.

"Alright. So a beautiful woman she must be…"

Zim sighed, "Beauty is wasted on her…"

"How?" Skoodge asked as they began to walk.

"She plans to stay a virgin. Without sex her beauty cannot be passed to future generations. Therefore, it is wasted."

"Then forget about her."

"How?"

"Look at the other women of the town!" Skoodge made a long gesture over the streets where many women were walking.

"That will only make me think of how much more beautiful _**she **_is!" Zim yelled, "I will never forget her!"

"You will or I will dying trying to make you." Skoodge promised.

_**Footnotes:**_

_(1) In Elizabethan era the streets were flooded with the garbage of the town while the walls were not. The streets were incredibly gross and smelled sickly._

_(2) During the time, women were often belittled and thought of as weak._

_(3) Biting your thumb at somebody then was an insult, the equivalent of flipping your middle finger at them._

_(4) Yes, I made Tallest Purple a woman to better suit the story._

_(5) The part of the town where the prince would make decisions and cast judgments (like a court room)_

_(6) lekku are his antennae._


	3. Act 1: Scene 2

**Act 1: Scene 2**

Professor Membrane walked through the halls of his home. Beside him was a man of shorter stature, his green hair was messy and unkempt.

"I'm not worried. Both Red and myself are under an oath, we are becoming much too old for this fight anyways. Keeping peace between the families should not be hard."

The man who walked beside him stopped walking and they turned to face each other. "It's a shame the two of you are enemies… You both have such high reputations. But enough of this, what do you think about my proposal?"

"I told you before, she isn't even 14 years old yet. Please… let this wait two more years." Membrane pleaded with the shorter male.

"There are many women who have married younger than she is and they later made very happy wives and mothers." He replied.

"Yes, but those women grow up too old too soon… You have my consent to woo her, Iggins, if you can convince her to love you, it will help. My permission is only a minor part of her decision." Membrane sighed. "I am having a celebration tonight, many close friends and family of mine will be attending. I want you to come. You may meet my family, and more importantly, my daughter, there. There will be many other women as well, if you so happen to change your mind I will not hold it against you. Now come this way with me." Membrane began walking again. Membrane retrieved a slip of paper from a desk before calling out, "Simmons!" In a moment a tall man was standing before him respectfully, "Take this letter. I want you to find the people on this list and tell them of the feast tonight at my home."

As the men departed, Simmons walked down the Verona streets grumbling to himself, "How does he expect me to inform the people of his list of the celebration when I cannot read the list! I need to find someone who can translate this and quickly." He looked up to see two men, both of green skin coming in his direction. "Ah, here comes someone, perhaps they might help me.

"I'm telling you, Zim. If you find another woman, you can learn to love her and that previous hag will be forgotten completely! Fix this hurt with a new one, my friend!" Skoodge tried to convince his friend.

"That's a job better for the plantain leaf(1)…" Zim mumbled back.

"What?" the stouter of the males became confused.

"Easing pain…"

"Are you crazy?" Skoodge mocked half-heartedly.

"No. Depressed…" Zim noticed Simmons approaching them. "Good evening, sir."

"Good evening." Simmons replied. "I wonder…Do you read."

"My own fortune in misery…" Zim grumbled only to be met with a sharp elbow to the gut.

"I apologize for your misfortunes sir, but can you read _writing_?"

Zim nodded. "If I know the language and letters written in it."

"That was helpful…" Simmons replied sarcastically. "Goodbye, sir."

"Wait." Zim called. "I can read, let me see the note."

Simmons passed him the paper he had received from Membrane.

Zim cleared his throat and read the names on the page _"Mr. Elliot and his wife and daughters, Bob and his beautiful sisters, Mortos' widow, The security guard and his lovely nieces, Keef and his brother Poochi, My dear uncle and his wife and daughters, my fair nieces Tak and Gretchen, My wife's brother and his son Dib, Melvin, and the lively Jessica."_ Zim handed Simmons his paper back. "That's a lot of guests. Where was it they are gathering?"

"Together." Said Simmons.

"For dinner?"

"To our home." Simmons corrected.

"Whose?" Zim questioned.

"My master's"

"Ah, yes." Zim hummed. "I should have asked who he was before."

"The rich and great Membrane Capulet, sir. If you don't belong to the house of Montague, I'll invite you for wine and celebration." Simmons smiled to the two, "Have a nice evening." And with that Simmons left the streets.

Skoodge looked at Zim who seemed to be in thought. "Tak is the girl you desirem, I see it on your face. She will be at that feast… I say we go. You can compare her to the many other beautiful women there."

"_PSH-!"_ Zim scoffed, "Irk be damned if I find someone to compare her to. The world itself has never seen someone so beautiful."

"You fell in love with her when there was no one around to compare her too. With other women around you may find she's not as beautiful as you once thought."

"I'll go." Zim agreed. "Not for you, but to see Tak once more…"

_**Footnotes**_

_(1) The plantain leaf was a plant thought to have healing powers._


End file.
